Recently, I read a letter seeking advice from the girl next door in Men’s Health. A man was confused because his wife said she needed no special plans for their upcoming anniversary and he wasn’t sure she meant it. Of course the girl next door set him straight–and told him that his wife didn’t mean it. After all, women don’t need to communicate clearly what they need from their partners and in their relationships!

Ladies, this is the crap we have to stop doing. We cannot go around chanting “no means no” and then expecting the people around us to know when we really mean “yes.”

If you are an adult women in an adult-type relationship, stop playing games. Making your partner guess what you mean is a trip to disaster lane. You’re mature enough to be married? You’re mature enough to say what’s on your mind. Really, there are few things you can say that will scare off a partner.

I’m not saying men have carte blanche to do what they please. Don’t misunderstand me. In any sexual situation, no does mean no. And no man should attempt to read anything else into the statement. But women do have a responsibility also. By communicating clearly and concisely, your needs will be known and hopefully met.

As for the wife not requiring special anniversary plans, I completely understand. Being the most unromantic female in America, I require nothing special on an anniversary. At this point, I’m just in awe as the years pass by, proud of Jim and I for amassing quite a few. I don’t want candy or flowers. A trip or some jewelry, maybe. I mean, I got a Dremel for my birthday/Mother’s Day and was pleased!

I am concerned that a column in a men’s magazine written by a woman (hopefully that part is true!) goes about perpetuating stereotypes of manipulative women who need to be coy about their needs. What is wrong about not needing a special anniversary celebration? Is it not female enough? Not committed enough? Why couldn’t the advice simply have been: well, she said she needs nothing, so she needs nothing. The End.

It’s 2013 and the time for games are over. As women we are fighting for the futures of ourselves, our daughters, our granddaughters, and every female around us. As women’s rights are being chipped away and cowardly men feel the need to wrest some control over their spinning worlds, we need to stand strong and confident. Every time you act coy and let your man guess what you want, another ultrasound wand is stuck up another vagina to prevent an abortion. Because women don’t really know what they want and the men need to make sure we know what we’re doing!

Stop playing games and learn to speak up. If you don’t know how or you need some encouragement, let me know. I’m here to help you!

Here’s to the best dad ever!

Have you read this article? Or seen the video? Here’s the gist of the story: woman storms into a Dunkin’ Donuts, breathing fire because she didn’t get her receipt the evening before and now wants free food. The store has a no-receipt-your-order-is-free policy. She brandishing her cell phone, recording the encounter, letting everyone know that she’s posting it on Facebook and it will go viral!

The good news: it did go viral. The bad news: not for the reasons she thought.

She storms into the store the morning after, announcing that the conversation is under “video surveillance.” Unfortunately, the young man she encounters was not working the previous evening. He did handle her graciously and respectfully.

She, on the other hand, threatens, insults, and eventually trails off in a racist rant that she recorded with the hopes that the poor Dunkin’ Donuts employee who stiffed her her receipt would be shamed for eternity.

The offending employee does make an appearance and it seems the Great Avenger wants to lunge over the counter to physically assault her. Luckily there are witnesses and it’s being recorded. The employee meekly goes about her coffee-making-donut-serving business, not even looking at Psycho Woman. Psycho Woman screams racist taunts, threatens her, and generally makes an ass of herself.

Honestly, what did this woman think was going to happen? That angry hoards would descend on the store carrying pitchforks and torches to burn it to the ground? All because they didn’t give her a receipt?

It’s clear early on that she’s not quite right. With the threats of going to Mars and blowing up the Dunkin’ Donuts and her lawyer being involved, she simply appears deranged.

She posts the video on her Facebook page which she later shut down because of the negative reactions she was getting. I guess her friends didn’t find her behavior very sympathetic. The comments on the YouTube video are worth reading, by the way.

The lesson to be learned here is that your behavior better at least match the behavior of the other person if you want to appear the victim. Ranting and raving at an employee who remains calm and silent doesn’t help your case at all. It makes you look like a giant bully. Also, you won’t get much sympathy if you start calling the person racist names. There are some words that just aren’t used any more. And for good reason.

Oh, and never ever declare a video “viral” before uploading it. That’s just bad luck.

I love the Darlings! In Carolyn Hart’s latest, Dead, White & Blue, Annie and Max Darling are looking into the disappearance of a young islander. Where did Shell Hurst go after the dance?

Since arriving on Broward’s Rock, Shell has caused quite a stir. Wrecking marriages, having affairs, threatening blackmail…the young beauty has been busy. Some think she just left the island. But there’s no proof either way. When a teen is accused of having something to do with her disappearance, Annie and Max know something needs to be done and they set out to find Shell’s whereabouts.

I really wish there was a Death on Demand mystery book store nearby me! I would be there every week. Not just for the books, but for the ambiance and to get in the middle of this mystery-solving group!

This is a nice read. Some of the mystery-solving was done by leaps and bounds, but the story was a good one. The good guys were likable and the bad guys just bad enough.

My only complaint was the repeated commenting on porpoises jumping. These were some busy porpoises. Well, I’m assuming since they were mentioned so often! But they were only slightly distracting and shouldn’t stop you from reading Dead, White & Blue!

Let me know what you think!

For more Wordless Wednesday entries here.

Time to talk about the recent scandal plaguing the American government. It has come to our attention that They (there really is a “they” now…) have access to everything we do online, with our cell phones and pretty much anything else. They gather all our data–all meaning the data of every citizen using the information highway–and use it for the safety of the country. Safety, of course, being used loosely here.

I’ve asked several people about their thoughts on this. Sadly, no one is surprised. I guess all those threats of the ubiquitous permanent record prepared us well. Also, the people I know are apparently boring, because they’ve all said the same thing: “I’ve got nothing to hide.”

I really need to meet some trouble makers…

I’m sure people will point the finger at President Obama. But let’s get this straight: our rights have been chipped away since September 11, 2001. The minute people were afraid of another attack, we gave the government carte blanche on how they protected us. Except we forgot to demand that we be protected from them.

Also, the President did not do this on his own. Every member of Congress knew this was happening and were fine with it. A few might have been in opposition, but there weren’t enough to keep it from happening.

When no one raised a huge commotion over the requirements to board a plane, we pretty much laid down and said, “do what you will.” For god’s sake, we let these people xray us! You don’t get any more transparent than that! We let them frisk our kids and our elderly. We take our shoes off for them! But I digress…

I have no idea how the spy game works. They are gathering information and it gets filtered. (For more information, watch this.) I think they have a list of keywords that signals a communication needs further attention. (Luckily I just watched Three Days of the Condor so I’ve got an idea of how it works. Of course, now computers scan documents, not book readers.)

So how do we give the government hell? We could all turn off every electronic device we own and go back to local television and pen and paper. I’ve been missing handwritten letters, so that could be a new way to communicate. I would have to start writing checks again and mail in my bills. Heck, I might not want a bank account any more since it’s probably being monitored also. (I wonder if my craft supply addiction has set off any alarms in Spyville?) IBM better start manufacturing electric typewriters again so I can write!

I’m afraid, though, that if we take away the Information Highway, we will leave the Spyville minions with to much time on their hands. They’ll just get into other mischief. They’re like toddlers like that, I’m sure. But we could just overload them with information.

We’ll go about our business, continuing to use our electronics as we do, but with a few added features. For example, instead of signing my emails “hugs,” I will sign them “overthrow.” I will use Al Qaeda as a new curse word when I write. “Al qaeda to hell!” “Al qaeda you!”

Every ten words, I’ll add “methamphetamine” in brackets. You’ll know it’s meaningless, but the government won’t be able to take that chance. I mean, they already want my id when I buy cold medicine because I might be cooking meth in the shed.

Everywhere I go will be Cuba. “I’ve got to run to Cuba and pick up prescriptions.” “Going to Cuba to catch a game!”

If I could get my hands on the actual keyword watch list I would be dangerous. And you could be too. I’ve got time on my hands, I will help you.

If all of us do this, they won’t be able to keep up. They’ll rip their hair our and rend their garments. They will give us back our privacy in a hurry.

This is all I’ve got. The reality is to overwhelming to truly ponder. George Orwell was apparently clairvoyant.

 

Watch.

Discuss.

But not for the reasons you suggest. See, some of us have the luxury of staying home with our kids. But we do without a lot of frills. But a lot of us don’t have the option of not working. Because the cost of living in the United States is outrageous. So we need to work for things like food and housing.

When I was working with people who are homeless, we quoted a pretty sad statistic about the amount of time someone working a minimum wage job had to work to afford an apartment. Since the required working hours was so outrageous it usually meant more than one adult working a few jobs to survive. Logically, women need to work in that environment. (The minimum wage has changed, housing prices are higher, so I’m not going to guess what the actual figures are at this point.)

Before that job I worked at a childcare center in a fairly affluent community. The childcare center catered to children in need who would be attending the local elementary school for kindergarten. Imagine my surprise when we visited with the kindergarten teachers about school preparedness and were handed a list of things the parents were expected to teach their children before they entered school: count to 100 and read a few words were the ones I’ve never forgotten.

Seriously? We tried explaining to the teachers that these parents didn’t have the means or the time for these things (many parents didn’t speak English and were working multiple jobs). Instead of being sympathetic, they were disdainful. Which pretty much sums up my opinion of the entire educational system in our country.

At a time when more women are working, schools have decided that parental involvement is mandatory for the teaching portion of education. Gone are the days when kids spend the day memorizing times tables and learning phonics. Instead, they are whipped into algebra and sight words before the basic foundation is laid for learning. Where kindergarten was once a transition for a child from no school to school, it has turned into a full-day frenzy to catch up with the rest of the world.

Instead of doing things like learning and discussing topics, the curriculum at my kids’ elementary school was based on getting good scores on the ISATs. Good God, achievement tests are supposed to be measures of what a child has learned, not be the entire basis of an educational system! But that is what has happened when every school and every teacher is judged on the scores of the children in their midst.

More moms work, so let’s pile on more homework so we can catch up to other nations. Good idea when mom and dad work and come home to cook, clean, parent, and supervise homework. And let’s make most of the homework busy work because there are mandatory homework time requirements for each day. Oh, and let’s not forgot to give first and second graders homework. Nothing builds a love of learning like having over-stressed mom and dad scream at you for not writing your spelling words out five times each fast enough.

Of course, busy work doesn’t mean just silly worksheets night after night. What about the plethora of projects? How many landmarks does a school really need? My personal favorite was the Halloween night homework. Yes, after taking your kids out to trick or treat, you were expected to sit down to help them sort candy and count it. That was always such a fun time with kids strung out on sugar!

Or pasting 100 Cheerios to a piece of paper for the 100 days of school celebrations. Food waste. Paper waste. Waste of time.

So, you see, Governor Bryant, you can blame all the working mothers that you want, but that won’t fix the fundamental problems with an educational system that doesn’t know what it’s doing. I know the politicians want to think that the never-ending rounds of testing will solve the problems; instead they feed them. By taking the fun and adventure out of learning, we are doomed. Instead of working with families to make everyone’s lives easier, teachers are panicking and sending home outrageous amounts of homework. Probably because the time they would like to spend actually teaching kids has been replaced with test prep.

It’s a vicious circle, and won’t be solved by blaming the people who are just doing their best to survive. Moms have enough guilt for working or nor working, thanks for adding a little more to their plates.

 

Check out other Wordless Wednesday entries here!

OK, people, time for a quick review of Internet protocol. If an email might be slightly offensive to some groups, don’t send it to co-workers. Do not send it to political colleagues. You probably shouldn’t forward it at all, but, if you must, make sure it’s going to like-minded people who will keep your bigotry under wraps along with their own. Like a big secret club that only neanderthals can join.

If you come across an email with a picture of bare-breasted women…wait, that should be your first clue that something should not be forwarded to colleagues. Nudity! Never ever forward nudity to anyone. Just don’t do it. It’s in bad taste and your women colleagues are completely freaked out. It’s just wrong. It’s called sexual harassment in legal circles. Google that if you don’t know what it is.

If the email contains naked pictures of African tribes women and you are not passing it along to voice your admiration of their physiques, stop again. If you are sending it along with a caption along the lines of the Black First Lady of the United States of America attending her class reunion or getting paid modelling gigs, you are an absolute asshat/douch canoe/jerk of the first order. There’s not a word strong enough in the English language to describe you. If you were a woman, I would resort to the worst female-descriptor I know and it begins with a “c” and rhymes with “hunt.”

Unfortunately, this all really happened. A Virginia school board member forwarded the above referenced email to his fellow board members and others. They’ve voted for his resignation. He’s saying it doesn’t really count because he just forwarded something. He didn’t actually create it.

But you don’t get to forward something and then claim it doesn’t count because you didn’t actually create the email. That’s the lamest excuse I’ve ever heard an adult make. Honestly, if any of my kids used that excuse I’d smack them. Hard!

I’m assuming as part of the school board certain student behaviors have come before the board for consideration. Would he accept this excuse from any of them? Like these:

• Everyone was cheating, so I did too.
• I didn’t start the rumor about Bambi Cheerleader, I just passed it along by text and on Facebook.
• Sure I brought a knife to school because I thought it was cool. I didn’t actually make the knife so it doesn’t count.

Let’s also review the part about forwarding emails or posting things on the internet: it never ever goes away and somewhere someone is going to nail you with it. Especially if you are a minor politician offending colleagues. You can’t undo tweets without repercussions. You can’t erase a trollish comment on a website. It’s all there. It’s, like, you know, your permanent record.

The forwarded email is having repercussions beyond the school board. The board of supervisors is also being called to the mat for forwarding the email. The asshat train just keeps rollin’.

This email faux pas got a lot of attention because it involved Michelle Obama. Let’s remember the millions of women in corporate/political America who are exposed to this type of thing daily. And then ridiculed for being offended. Lord, I hope these men get a clue soon…