The past two Fridays have been dedicated to discussing the pitfalls of hormones through perimenopause and adolescence, particularly male adolescence, since that’s what I live with. This week let’s talk about the combination of these two life phases.
Luckily, my crazy-because-I-am-perimenopausal moments are infrequent. In fact, I have actually had worse PMS moments in the past. But adolescent upheaval because of hormones is a frequent occurrence. Because frequent and infrequent do occasionally meet, things can get a little…shrieky.
Let’s take the lack of spatial reasoning of the adolescent male. Go ahead, ask your adolescent son to put something somewhere (e.g., a book on a shelf). Chances are, the book will go in backwards or upside down. Be prepared if it just goes in sideways. Telling them to turn it around sends them into a spinning circle of ineptitude. You stand there, watching someone attempt the very basic elemental task of putting a book on a shelf, and not succeeding. A non-hormonal-crazed women would laugh it off. A hormonally crazed woman becomes the She Devil of The House, determined to teach her child the proper way to put the book on the shelf.
Chances are, this will be an epic failure. Why? Because the woman won’t even be able to remember the word “book.” It will become something like “that pack of papers between the cardboard,” which leads to further frustration. Should the adolescent risk an eye roll at this time, things will quickly spiral out of control.
There might be yelling–yes, the aforementioned shrieking. There might be tears. The adolescent cries because his mother is mean and cruel and expects such hard things from him (i.e., putting a book on a shelf with the spine showing). The perimenopause mother cries because a) she has raised idiots, b) she is the worst mother ever, c) no one understands her and never will, and d) apparently her child will be living at home for eternity because he lacks basic life skills to support himself in the future.
In the psychological business, we call this catastrophizing. Yes, it is the act of taking something simple and turning it into the worst disaster in your life. Given enough time, the perimenopausal mother will take to her bed, unable to cope with the disaster she has created in the human beings she has raised. She is certain society and the Universe will hold her responsible for this ineptitude for eternity.
Luckily, this will pass and the mother will once again leave her room and join her family once again. The hormones are back under control. The child has stopped crying. Calmly, she will place the book on the shelf correctly. Sometimes she will apologize to the child, acknowledging her inappropriate reaction to a minor problem.
Together, the family will gather at the dinner table. The meal will start with the laughter and fun the family is capable of. But…someone rolls an eye and it all starts all over again.
Years ago I was in need of a lot of dental work. I was also going through a divorce. (Coincidence?!) I began finding the time spent in the dental chair (before the work actually began) as a nice, relaxing time. I could study the Georgia OKeefe print on the wall and do absolutely nothing.
I was reminded of this feeling again last week when I spent time in various doctor’s offices because I am crazy and schedule everything for the same week!
While waiting for my eyes to dilate for the retinal exam, I played with my phone and watched the Today show. That wasn’t very relaxing.
But when I waited for my internist, I sat there with nothing to do. And rediscovered the soothing properties of just waiting. Even the fact that I was sitting there in a paper shirt didn’t cause me any angst. I could hear my doctor laughing down the hall with another patient. Instead of feeling impatient and anxious, I was glad that I have a doctor who takes the time to talk to her patients and to really help us.
Saturday found me back in the dental chair and I enjoyed the quiet and solitude again. The chair was tilted in just the right way. There was a pleasant window scene outside the window.
I don’t often do nothing. During the day I am on the computer most of the time. Yes, I am most likely getting sidetracked by the internet, always looking for the next shiny pretty thing. But I feel like I am being productive.
So sitting in one spot doing nothing is a pleasant change. Even if it’s in a doctor’s office or waiting room. The guilt of being inert and not accomplishing something is taken away from me. I can’t do anything else…the doctor is in charge. I relinquish my power over being productive.
But it doesn’t seem right to save these relaxing moments just for waiting rooms. I want more of this in my life at home. I want to watch a television show without doing anything else. I want to read a book in the middle of the afternoon without feeling self-indulgent.
Starting today I am going to try a week without multi-tasking. My concentration goes to one thing and one thing only. Even if that means just sitting in a chair, looking around my living room while petting an animal. I’ll let you know how this works out for me!
I wish I could spend just a few days with James Patterson to see how he cranks out such page-turners. I tried explaining his writing to Jeremy and all I came up with is, “it’s all action.” Private: #1 Suspect certainly proves me right!
The book starts with a woman being killed in Jack Morgan’s bed. Jack arrives shortly after, heads straight to the shower, and then enters his bedroom to find his former lover, Colleen, bloody and dead.
Since he owns the top-notch investigative firm, Private, his best-in-their-field employees immediately come to access the crime scene. They are in and out before the police are called and Jack becomes the one and only suspect in Colleen’s murder.
Business goes on for Private. Mobsters need their $30 million of prescription pharmaceuticals recovered from the men who hijacked their truck. The owner of a string of classy hotels wants to know who’s killing males guests.
Of course, the employees of Private are also working on solving Colleen’s murder.
Patterson & Paetro lead us through the simultaneous investigations. It’s a wild ride getting to the bottom of all three mysteries.
I thought of a great twist–something I think Patterson would love–as I read the parts about the luxury-hotel-guest serial case. Alas, Patterson’s mind and my own each took a different road. Still, I think mine would have been a zinger!
Check out #1 Suspect. But I warn you, you won’t want to put the book down until you know who done it!
Last May, a month or so after I began marketing my novel, In Leah’s Wake, a former agent told me that I would never sell 500 books. A rookie,
I had no idea what to expect. When I published the novel, I’d dreamed of selling a 3,000 – 5,000 books, hoping healthy sales numbers would attract the attention of an agent or traditional publishing house for my next novel.
The agent had left New York, but she’d been in the business for a long time, and her words stung. I hung up the phone, heartbroken, depressed. Had I not been in the midst of my first blog tour, I might have pulled my novel off the market that day.
Determined to see the tour through, I soldiered on. On the tour, I met wonderful, caring people, book bloggers, whose kindness buoyed and sustained me.
Over the next few months, In Leah’s Wake appeared on hundreds of blogs. Bloggers opened their hearts and spread the word about this quiet literary novel. In August, In Leah’s Wake hit the Barnes & Noble and Amazon charts. Now, seven months after my talk with that agent, the book has been in the Amazon top 200 for over five months, and we’ve sold just shy of 80,000 copies.
Book bloggers rock! I don’t know how to say it any better. Book bloggers are the fairy godmothers and godfathers of the literary world. They invest their talent, their energy, and their time into reviewing and promoting books – and keeping dreams alive.
Even today, traditional media refuse to recognize or review indie books. In this very real sense, book bloggers are the heart and soul of the indie revolution. Their vision, their energy, and their determination have enabled this amazing populist movement to take hold.
Today, we have the great good fortune of hearing the funny, poignant, intelligent voices of new authors from around the world – voices that, just a few years ago, might have been silenced by the gatekeepers of the old guard. These voices reach into hearts and minds, forging connections, uniting us in a community of readers and writers, searching for and finding, through words, the better part of ourselves. Because, truly, at heart, this is what reading and writing is all about.
Here’s to you, book bloggers! You are and always will be my heroes!
Terri Giuliano Long is the bestselling author of the award-winning novel In Leah’s Wake. Her life outside of books is devoted to her family. In her free time, she enjoys walking, traveling, and listening to music. True to her Italian-American heritage, she’s an enthusiastic cook. In an alternate reality, she might be an international food writer. She lives with her family on the East Coast and teaches at Boston College. In Leah’s Wake is her debut novel. Visit her website, her blog, on Twitter, and on her Facebook page.
I am honored to be one of the bloggers who reviewed and promoted In Leah’s Wake for Terri Giuliano Long. I declared her one of the authors I would like to be stranded with.
This week, Terri and Inspired Quill Press (paperback edition), launch a newly edited edition of In Leah’s Wake. The newly edited novel features a new chapter and several new scenes, adding new connections and insights, and tightens the book, cutting 60 pages – all while maintaining the integrity of the original edition.
For more information, please visit her website or any of these retailer sales: Amazon Kindle, Amazon Paperback, Barnes & Noble, and Indie Bound (Your local library or bookstore can also order the book through major distribution channels.)
BOOK INFORMATION
IN LEAH’S WAKE by Terri Giuliano Long (Pages: 368, Format: Paperback, Kindle, ISBN: 1456310542, Publisher: CreateSpace/Inspired Quill Press, Website: www.tglong.com, Newly edited by Sara-Jayne Slack, Inspired Quill Press)
The Tylers have a perfect life—beautiful home, established careers, two sweet and talented daughters. Their eldest daughter, Leah, an exceptional soccer player, is on track for a prestigious scholarship. Their youngest, Justine—more responsible than seems possible for her 12 years—just wants her sister’s approval. With Leah nearing the end of high school and Justine a seemingly “together” kid, the parents are set to enjoy a peaceful life…until everything goes wrong. Can this family survive in Leah’s wake?
Margot Livesey, award-winning author of Banishing Verona, calls In Leah’s Wake “a beautifully written and absorbing novel.”
When happens when love just isn’t enough?
Recipient of the CTRR Award for excellence
2011 Book Bundlz Book Pick
Book Bundlz 2011 Favorites, First Place
Praise for In Leah’s Wake
“Sometimes scary, sometimes sad, and always tender.”
Susan Straight, National Book Award finalist, author Take One Candle Light A Room
“In Leah’s Wake is a beautifully written and absorbing novel.”
Margot Livesey, Award-winning author of Banishing Verona
“Pulled me right along as I continued to make comparisons to my own life.”
Jennifer Donovan, 5 Minutes for Books, Top 50 Book Blog
“An incredibly strong debut, this book is fantastic on many fronts.”
Naomi Blackburn, Founder Sisterhood of the Traveling Book
Check out the video trailer!
Today, January 22, is the 39th anniversary of Roe vs. Wade. This day began a time when women were given freedom over their productive rights: whether or not they should continue an unwanted pregnancy. Today, this right is under fire by people who are determined to take it away as soon as possible.
I honestly don’t know how I feel about abortion. I have more and more questions about it as I grow older. My passionate 18 year old self might not be impressed with the questions of my 45 year old. But those are my personal feelings. I am happy I have enjoyed the right to choose during my adult life.
One thing I do not believe is that the right to choose is anything but a woman’s personal choice. I cannot ever be part of a movement with the primary goal of eradicating the right for a woman to have power over her own body.
Currently, women are in a wonderful place. They can get an education of desired. They can marry if they desire. They can delay pregnancy if they desire. They can work. They can mother. They can supervise. They can own. Gone are the days where women are considered men’s chattel with no rights to vote, be employed, or not get married.
Ladies! Wake up! If you are willing to let women lose the right to choose whether they will or will not carry out a pregnancy, you are opening the door to the eradication of other women’s rights. Next up, the right to use birth control. What will come next? The right for women with children to be employed? The right for women to own property?
Some of you might be laughing to yourselves, thinking this would never happen. It’s just about stopping the murder of innocent babies! No, it is about control from a religious right agenda that has highjacked our political system.
Honestly, do you think these people who want to be in power truly have women’s needs at heart? Let me point out their idea of idea female political candidates: Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachman. They parade these political jokes before the American people to appease the suggestion that they are anti-female, leaving the truly eloquent and more-than-capable women behind. (I really wanted to provide some names here, but when I googled “moderate Republican women” the first articles are from several years ago.)
Once we give up a right, others will go much easier. Are we willing to open that door?
I believe that women are the most sympathetic when it comes to the choices other women have had to make in their lives. I believe this because each and every woman who has been pregnant–wanted or unwanted–and then mothered, understands what a tremendously difficult job this is. It is not something that should be pressed upon someone who is not ready for whatever reasons.
I will continue to support pro-choice candidates monetarily and otherwise. I will sign every petition regarding this issue that passes by me. I will re-tweet and post to Facebook my thoughts on these issues. I will do my due diligence before voting for a candidate, reassuring myself that he or she has the best interests of women at heart. I will question those who claim to know morally what is right or wrong for a complete stranger.
At the heart of my passion (apparently some remains!) over this issue, remains the basic right of choice. Women have a right to choose what their bodies will and won’t do.
I will do everything in my power as a woman to ensure that the rights of other women are honored. I will not judge anyone for their choice.
Last week I discussed God’s cruel joke: putting women with perimenopause and adolescent human beings in the same household. I talked about perimenopause and how it affects parents. This week: adolescence.
I don’t remember every instance of my own adolescence. I do remember there was drama–everything was important and had everything to do with me, me, me. I had a thin skin and a snarky mouth.
I have not raised adolescent girls, only boys. But I’m willing to bet that not a lot has changed with girls turning into women. Except there’s the internet…lots more knowledge…lots more drama (Facebook, Twitter, etc.). I’m sure these thing affect boys too; I haven’t seen a lot of it in my house.
What I have seen is adolescence up front and in my face. I’ve watched perfectly normal boys turn into creatures inhabiting the bodies of boys. As I said, I can’t speak for girls, but I would love to hear if they experience similar things!
They lose all spatial reasoning. Something happens to their brains that makes simple tasks impossible. Putting things in small spaces becomes a challenge. Your son who could do a 5,000 word jigsaw puzzle with the most minute pieces is suddenly all thumbs.
Going right alone with spatial reasoning, is a disconnect from body size. This will be the time when your sons walk into walls, knock tables out of the way with their hips and legs, and become overnight butter fingers on any athletic field. My own observations have led me to believe that they are growing so fast that they honestly don’t know where their own bodies begin and end.
The most frustrating thing is the blindness. They can spot a box of cereal from down the block, but they cannot see the mess they left at their own feet. Boys who were neatniks, picking things off the floor as they walk by, no longer see things on the floor. Even when instructed to look down, they remain blind.
Along with the blindness comes the deafness. You can ask them to do something while sitting next to them, and they do not hear you. But step into another room–heck another level–of your house and whisper softly to your partner that you want to sneak off for ice cream, and they will be there in an instant demanding to go along. They show no interest in the conversation at the dinner table, but become enamored of whatever show or commercial is on the tv in the next room.
To round things out there’s the incessant eye rolling, the ability to turn a one word answer into a snarky diatribe against your sanity, and the utter disdain for any adult. Sure there are other things adolescents, but I’m not writing a book here!
Logically, it’s nice to remind yourself that young bodies are being deluged with amounts of hormones never experienced before. Testosterone, estrogen, and others combine, separate, and morph them into adulthood–physically, at least. Things grow and sprout. Mentally their minds are a jumble.
But put together an adolescent and a perimenopausal woman, and it’s the hormonal perfect storm.
To be continued…
I’m excited to be teaming up with Eden Fantasys and offering commentary on their site a few times a month. Don’t be alarmed! I won’t be reviewing sex toys–unless something really really catches my fancy! But I will be letting you know about all the cool things offered on the Eden Fantasys website. There are forums where you can read about products, sex and politics, sexual health, and a ton of other things! There’s Sexis magazine that explores–what else!–sex! I’m excited about the photography group!
How timely! I used a trip to Walmart and a trek through the aisles that happened to contain the condoms as a teaching moment this week. I won’t put the details here because my son will wither and die of embarrassment if he thinks anyone hears this story. Then I came across this post in the Eden Fantasys forums: Should condoms be made available at schools?
What a brilliant idea!
My stance with the twins was: having sex? Wear a condom. I will buy them for you if needed. But, if you are to embarrassed to buy a condom in public, you might not be ready to have sex.
But wouldn’t it be nice if my sons and your daughters had access to condoms whenever they needed them? I’d hate to think that someone got sick or pregnant because they were too embarrassed to ask for money or condoms. Lord knows, teenagers are not exactly logical creatures! Plus, if the problem is lack of funds, I should point out that you don’t need money to have sex.
Read the comments on the forum and you’ll find the there are people who point out that providing free condoms is akin to condoning sex with anyone and everyone. Is it really? Remembering my adolescence, finding free condoms would have created an urge to make obscene balloon animals rather than hunting down a boy so I could have sex with him. Kids who aren’t having sex or thinking about sex aren’t going to be swayed or forced to have sex because free condoms are available.
It’s the kids who are having sex or considering sex who should have access to condoms. Shouldn’t we–as knowledgeable adults–do what we can to provide teenagers with a way to remain disease and pregnancy free? It’s clear that teens have sex. No matter how much parents might lecture/discuss the benefits of abstinence, teens are ruled by hormones, egocentricity, and immortality. Instead of fighting that, we should accept it and help them make informed decisions.
Providing condoms in bathrooms at a high school would help so many teens. I don’t know about you, but I’d rather deal with someone who was having responsible sex than deal with an STD or an unplanned pregnancy.
I’ve got to go now and buy a box of condoms for the boys’ bathroom. I don’t know what I didn’t think of that before…
This commentary was provided in exchange for a gift card to Eden Fantasys–the sex toy store.
I spent a lovely afternoon with Stephanie Plum and the gang. Janet Evanovich once again scores with the latest: Explosive Eighteen.
Evanovich left us hanging at the end of Smokin’ Seventeen, when she flew off to Hawaii. Did she go with Joe or Ranger? Well, she gets off the plane back in New Jersey at the start of Explosive Eighteen alone, so we still don’t know.
I’ll let Stephanie tell you the story of Hawaii herself–it’s a humdinger! She’s too busy chasing down her new captures. One lives in his car and is hard to find. Another keeps stealing her car.
Of course the best one she’s after is Joyce Barnhardt, her nemesis! Joyce disappeared after being accused of stealing a necklace at a local jewelers. That doesn’t sound right to Stephanie, because Joyce doesn’t need to steal a necklace. She just has her latest husband buy her whatever she wants. When Joyce’s accuser ends up dead and Joyce’s belonging are found in a recently compacted car at the junk yard, Stephanie revs her search for Joyce into high gear.
Meanwhile, she’s also dodging the FBI, fake FBI agents, and others all looking for property belonging to Stephanie’s seatmate on the flight back from Hawaii. Does she have it? What does it all mean?
Lulu’s as wacky as ever (in a good way!). Joe and Ranger are as hot as always.
Be prepared for out-loud laughter that will make your housemates roll their eyes every time!
OK, tell me…who do you want: Joe or Ranger?!
This post is completely and entirely my opinion about the devices discussed below. I was not reimbursed or paid by either Amazon or Barnes and Noble.
For Christmas, we bought Aaron a Kindle Fire. I think I was as excited as he was to play with it.
The Kindle Fire is the closest thing I’ve come across that’s catching up to the iPad/iPhone/iPod touch interface. It was intuitive. It was self-explanatory. It ran smoothly. It did what you wanted. Honestly, I would be happy with a Kindle Fire if I didn’t have experience with my iPad!
There was only one draw back in giving such a device to a 13 yo boy with a history of racking up bills on cellphones–he would have unlimited access to my Amazon account and credit card (did I ever tell you he rang up $1200+ in apps and downloads when he had unlimited access to his cell phone because of a Verizon error?!).
I tried opening a new account just for Aaron. It didn’t work. I tried turning off the Amazon access. Doing that just took away everything you had associated with that Amazon account: books, apps, music. For some reason, I couldn’t even set up the Amazon account without a credit card on file. I tried turning off 1-click buying, but it didn’t work for some things.
I tried turning off access to WiFi. That defeated the purpose of having a tablet, because you lost internet access. Some of the games Aaron wanted to play required internet access. He wants to watch movies on Netflix–which needs internet access.
I contacted customer service and was first told there was a way around it. After several minutes, it turned out they haven’t solved their problem of 1-click access.
The Fire got packed up, returned and was replaced by the Nook Color.
Boy, is there a night and day difference between the two devices! It reminds me of my first Android phone after playing with my iPod touch. Physically it’s very similar. But the interface is clunky and as far from intuitive as you can get.
For instance, Aaron wanted Angry Birds. I went to apps, searched for it, and inadvertently bought a book about Angry Birds! Every search I made was a jumble of books and apps.
Aaron is happy with it, because he has no expectations about devices. Since I am spoiled and a techno ho, I am disappointed with it. But since I can’t trust Aaron (he’s 13!) I need something that I control the purchase power!
Bottom line: go with the Kindle Fire if you have a choice. If you need to go with the Nook Color and have no tablet experience, I think you’ll be fine. Still, get a Kindle Fire.
This post is completely and entirely my opinion about the above devices. I was not reimbursed or paid by either Amazon or Barnes and Noble.
