Resolutions. Schmesolutions.

Image: federico stevanin /

Are you a resolution person? Do you make a list of resolutions for the new year, so  you can check it at the end of the year? Do you accomplish your resolutions? Do you have action plans to make your resolutions achievable? Do you check yourself at regular intervals throughout the year to make certain you’re on track?

If you are, I hate you. Seriously. OK, maybe not. Maybe!

I make half-hearted resolutions that are vague.

  • I will eat healthy. Well, that can be interpreted as I will only eat off the McDonald’s dollar menu once a week.
  • I will not yell at my kid. Unless he really annoys me.

This year I gave myself permission to be resolution-less. Except for one little resolution. I will need your help.

I will be as nice a person inside my car as I am outside it.

Seriously, I am such a nice person in public (notice the qualifier–in public–because I cannot count on the other residents of my house providing me with the perfect, nice-inducing environment at all times).

Which is why I need your help. See, I don’t like honking my horn in anger, flipping you off, and mouthing obscenities because you are a bad driver. If you could just help me by doing a few simple things, I will greet 2012 as a successful resolutionist!

Here’s what I need from you:

Please use your blinker. There is a control–usually located on the left side of the steering wheel–that provides you with an alert system so other drivers know you are changing lanes or turning a corner. I believe it has been designed so you can easily use it.

Please do not feel you must pull out right in front of me (when there’s no one behind me for miles!) and drive under the speed limit. You had your chance to pull out well enough in front of me, now wait until I am passed. It’s just common courtesy.

Please do not speed excessively. Yes, there is a time and a place for speeding (we call them expressways, tollways, and the Elgin-O’Hare [FYI: it goes to neither Elgin nor O’Hare] here in Chicagoland), but the suburbs are not the place. It’s especially annoying when you are speeding (defined by me as inducing fear-triggered gasps when I look in my rearview mirror, see you coming and my life flashes before my eyes) when there is no where to go. If both lanes are full of cars, all going somewhere near (defined as 7-9 miles over the posted speed) the speed limit, you aren’t getting anywhere by going 20 miles over the limit.

Please pay attention to the location of the red-light enforcement cameras. I have already gotten a $100 ticket for breezing on through one of these intersections. I will not be ticketed again. My solution is to not turn on red at all. Unless I have come to a complete three-minute stop. Just to make sure the camera properly sees the turbo mini van at a complete stop. Honking and rude gestures will not make me move. Your impatience is not worth my money.

See, just a few things are required to make my 2012 the Year of the Successful Resolution. You will also benefit from this because I will be kindly and Buddha-like at all times. Can you say, “ommmm”?

Did you make resolutions? Are you a successful resolutionist?

5 thoughts on “Resolutions. Schmesolutions.

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  2. Hilarious! I become a rage-aholic when I have to drive. It’s really a good thing that I don’t have a car and can escape driving most of the time. Ugh.

    I’m not a fan of resolutions…at least not the general “I’ll eat better, exercise more, stay on budget” kind. I like to set a goal (or few) each year (get a new job, save for a trip abroad, sell ours -then buy another- house, etc.). I have found that those are much easier to keep than the broader kind.

    • I like the idea of big goals. Something tangible to work toward during the year.

      Maybe we should take a road trip together to spread our road rage! lol

      BTW, I really have been quite buddha-like while driving this past week. Except when Jim was in the car…hmmm…

      xo Susie

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