Lately, dinner time in Kline Land has been strained. There’s a lot of grunting. And sniping. And snarling. I’m doing my best to maintain my Buddha Mom persona and haven’t gotten stabby yet. But we aren’t eating anything with sharp knives, just in case!
Last week, I succeeded in getting Jeremy to speak, he shared that the armed forces recruiters were hanging out in the high school cafeteria. They were giving out t-shirts and dog tags for people doing pushups, sit-ups, etc. I asked the boys if they had participated. This was actually a test because they have been warned not to make eye contact with the recruiters. Some people tell their kids to avoid strangers with candy. I tell my kids to stay away from military recruiters.
Getting my own snipe on, I cheerily told Jermaine he might think about talking to one of them (unspoken rest of the sentence: because your grades are so horrific you can forget any college scholarship and this is my way of waking you up and having you change course right now!). He cheerily responded, “that sounds good” or something to that effect. Because he wouldn’t repeat it so I could actually hear it.
Buddha Mom prevailed and the conversation steered to grenade tossing. (Hey, it wasn’t a zombie conversation!) Since Jeremy and Jermaine are both nationally ranked shot put and discus athletes, they decided it would be fun to lob grenades. In high school, the shot put they throw weighs 12 pounds. My muscled bound men loft them around without blinking.
Jim points out that a grenade probably weighs 12 to 16 pounds. The twins nod in agreement. I snort.
“No way does a grenade weigh 12 pounds!”
They all tell me it does.
“No way,” I insist.
“Yes!” they chorus. Finally, when it’s against me, the entire male entourage of Kline Land unite.
“No way,” I continue assisting. “Monk threw one around in that one episode. Remember the blown up refrigerator.”
Someone insists that was a stunt grenade and that it didn’t weigh as much as a real one.
“They throw them like baseballs…”
“Very heavy baseballs…” someone counters.
“I’m googling this…” And I did.
For your information, according to this site, a typical grenade weighs about 14 ounces or 400 grams. There might be some variation due to type and manufacturer. I gleefully informed the Men of Kline Land that they weighed nothing close to a shot put. I may have even danced a little bit to emphasize my knowledge.
If someone comments to tell me I was wrong, I am not telling anyone. And I will start using the sharp knives if you come to dinner…