Do you ever…
Slap on bright red lipstick and grab your imaginary cocktail shaker when the Cars’ Shake It Up comes on the radio? No matter where you are?
Go through the day thinking, “that sounds dirty, but it’s not!” Like one endless chain email?
Slip into your imaginary feathered head band and favorite tattered shirt when Pat Benatar’s Love is a Battlefield comes on the radio? Then do the shoulder-shimmy throughout the entire song? No matter where you are?
Think, “Fuck you!” when you unfollow someone on Twitter who has unfollowed you?
Think, “what did I do wrong?!” when one of the cool kids on Twitter unfollows you?
Think, “Fuck you, Rick Springfield!” every time you hear a reference to him because he won’t follow you on Twitter.
Think, “I worry entirely to much about Twitter?”
Wonder what it would be like to have your hair cut with pinking shears? I’m pretty certain you would get some great layers…
Think, “This is the perfect lipstick for me!” Until you get it home and realize it’s identical to the other 100 lipsticks you already have. And they all look atrocious.
Think Drew Carey looked better fat?