Did you know there are rules for fat people? I didn’t understand this until I saw the Carrie Fisher Jenny Craig ad where she said that she can now wear colors. She couldn’t wear colors? Until she lost 30 pounds?! Who made this rule? How come I didn’t know about it?! Unknowingly, all these years I have been breaking this rule.
I propose that Carrie Fisher looked so awful in her pre-weight loss Jenny Craig ads because she was mopey, slumpy, and generally disheveled looking. She slumped on that couch looking like a smile might exhaust her. Was that her true persona? Or was that the marketing genius at Jenny Craig?
Jenny Craig has a tendency to turn their after-weight loss spokeswomen into perky people. Valerie Bertinelli…Sarah Rue…Kirstie Alley… Honestly, the Sarah Rue after commercial made me feel like I was watching a soft porn movie. I wanted to cover my sons’ eyes so they couldn’t watch her roll around pool side in her 1950s-ish swimsuit.
On another commercial (I’ve blocked the company from my mind) a weight loss success announces that her face hurts from smiling. She never smiled as a fat person? Not even once? Perhaps that was why she was miserable and not the extra weight. Just a thought.
Amidst the discovery that I was breaking all the fat people’s rules, Ragen Chastain had this to say about calories. And crapped all over my entire belief system. How many years have I counted calories? What could I have been doing with all that time I’ve spent looking up food calories and writing them down? How many years have I beat myself up because the calorie deficit wasn’t causing weight loss?! A Yahoo Health article explained it all to me again.
Basically, every person in America thinks about calories. Even if you’re not consciously tracking them for weight loss or weight gain, you still see them everywhere. They are on menus influencing what you order. They are on packaging, leading you to believe that they are a true measurement of…well, of something!
Now I am flummoxed. I thought I knew the rules about calories and was wrong. I didn’t know there were official rules for fat people, and feel left out. Frankly, I need to take to my bed to re-think everything I know…