Someone on twitter joked that one of the presidential primary candidates would clean your bathroom for your vote. That got me thinking…
Here are the top ten things the presidential candidates can do to get my vote in 2012. These are in no particular order.
1. Get rid of the mildew in my tub and shower, and I am yours. Make it stay away for four years and I’ll vote for you again in 2016!
2. Buy me a new Ipad3. I need the biggest one because I need memory! Really, isn’t my vote worth $800?
3. Make Rick Springfield follow me on twitter. You could make it an executive order or something. And he can’t just follow and forget me. He has to interact with me on a regular basis. He has to lovingly refer to me as his part time stalker in interviews. This is a win/win because Rick will be treated to my social media personality.
4. Please make the telemarketers go away. Another executive order making it illegal to call my phone number would be superb.
5. As president you’ll have access to weapons and such. Please make them automatically strike down suburban women who insist on using ghetto slang not in a joking matter. For instance, my friends and I do some hilariously funny gestures. Those are okay. Women who try to seriously use these terms need to be vaporized like planned in Real Genius. Suggested term earning annihilation: “true dat.”
6. Declare the music of the 80s The Music of Our Country. For instance, the above movie reference has me humming Tears for Fears music. I’ve already told you of my devotion for Rick Springfield.
7. Please outlaw homework. Moms know that it’s really not kids doing the homework in elementary school and junior high. Let’s be honest about it and cut the crap. I already attended elementary and middle school. I even graduated high school. I don’t want to do it all over again.
8. Make politicians and the media tell the truth. About everything. No lies. No half truths. No insane accusations to earn a vote. Have integrity and convince us honestly why we should vote for you.
9. Please ban plastic water bottles. Or at least limit them. Send everyone a Brita or the equivalent. I’d like the Earth to be around for my great great great grandkids.
10. Make taking care of the environment a priority. Admit that global warming might be a concern. Explore the ideas that genetically modified foods might not be the best for our citizens. Consider birth control a way to control overpopulation rather than a tool to use over women.
Okay, who’s ready to buy my vote?!
PS I’d also like a Cricut machine. Since you’re buying, I want the biggest and the best. And cartridges! Don’t send it without cartridges! I’ll make your thank you card!