Quick! What’s the quintessential worst Mother’s Day gift?! If you guessed an appliance, you’re right!

But last week I saw a major online retailer pushing vacuums for Mother’s Day!

Good God! What if my family sees these ads and thinks a vacuum cleaner is a grand Mother’s Day present?! The horror!

Last year, I gave my men a detailed list, complete with links for the things I wanted for Mother’s Day. They did good. I got a camera bag and the knitting needles I wanted. Yay!

This year I am winging it because there’s really nothing I want. Well, that can be bought. I toyed with the idea of the Cricut, and have received sales notices for some great deals. But I’m still not convinced I need one. OK, I know I don’t need one. Will I use one?! That’s the magic question.

The last time my birthday was on a Saturday, we spent the day at the twins’ baseball game. I yakked with the moms. Then the team sang “Happy Birthday” to me. I want to go back there. To that exact day. I want all the family angst to be over and everyone happy and loving. I want us all to go to Lou Malnati’s afterwards, sunburned and hot, tired, but happy.

I know I’m not supposed to yearn for the past. But sometimes I do…

All I know is I’d better not get a vacuum cleaner or any cleaning appliance this weekend. Or you’ll be reading about me on Yahoo news Monday morning. It won’t be pretty…

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