After binge watching several true crime shows, I noticed one simple thread in most of the ones involving relationship violence. The surviving female victims all made a comment similar to this one: “he did this while we were dating, but I thought it would stop.”

That’s probably not going to happen.

Look at dating as the time in a relationship when you are on your best behavior. This is when you are never without makeup and coiffed hair. You dress nicely and take care to look presentable at any given moment. You have great manners. You’re charming. You laugh at his jokes and admire his intelligence.

It’s the same for guys. A good guy wants you to be interested in him. He wants to give you a reason to stick around.

Someone who hits you or demeans you in any way in this stage, is simply preparing you for even worse down the line.

Think about it: what’s going to happen when the “honeymoon” period of your relationship is over? When you both relax and the sweats come out? He isn’t going to make a magical, fairy tale transformation into prince charming!

Whether the problem is drinking, drugs, violence, and/or mental abuse, you can’t fix him. And you don’t want to. No one is worth gambling your safety and life.

There really are nice, eligible men in the world. Take your time and find someone who doesn’t require repair. A good man is one who is pretty much the same after you’re married. Only the jokes might get worse…nothing more than that.

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