Dating Advice From An Old Married Lady

After reading the article about six best-selling books on dating with the worst advice, I decided I can offer better advice. Want to be a good dater, do these things.

Be yourself. If you aren’t yourself, eventually he’s going to figure it out. You don’t have to pretend to like things to make him like you. You can have opinions. Yes, even ones that conflict with his. Don’t try to be anything but yourself because he will figure it out eventually.

Remember that you are equals in the relationship. It’s easy for women to get so caught up in wondering, “does he like me?” or “will he like me?” that they forget to ask: do I like him? That’s the most important question of all. Sure, it’s great if he likes you. It makes having a relationship so much easier. But if you find yourself not enjoying yourself, embarrassed by him, or dreading being together, it’s time to call it quits. Life is to short to date someone you don’t like.

There’s no magic number. No, the fourth date isn’t automatically the sex date. No, you aren’t committed after three dates. Let things happen as they happen. Ask fifty different couples and you’ll get 50 different answers to what worked for them. Some dated for years before getting married. Some dated a month before tying the knot. Some dated for years before knowing it wasn’t ever going to work out.

You don’t have to give anyone another chance if you don’t want to. Sometimes someone looks so good on paper or sounds so good in the stories we tell our friends, but they just aren’t working for you. That’s okay. You’re looking for someone to spend the rest of your life with, not someone to go bowling with. If anything they do on the first date grates on your nerves, it probably won’t get better. This doesn’t make you a bad person. This makes you a mature dater.

Don’t rely on anyone else’s opinion but your own. Ultimately, you have to take control of your own life. Asking everyone from the deli counter guy to the person in the next cubicle for advice on your love life is nonsense. Trust your instincts.

Be nice. There’s no reason for game-playing. If you’re available, be available. If you’re busy, be honest. No one wants to be treated poorly. Not you. Not the other guy.

Have some idea what you are looking for, but understand it’s not written in stone. Sit down and make a list of the qualities you want in a mate. Figure out which ones are really important. Realize some of them will be silly. (FYI: Jim hates coconut and I still love him to pieces; that was a silly thing to want in another person!)

What do you think? Anything off the wall? Anything you would add?


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