We Cannot Chant “No Means No Except When It Means Yes”

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Recently, I read a letter seeking advice from the girl next door in Men’s Health. A man was confused because his wife said she needed no special plans for their upcoming anniversary and he wasn’t sure she meant it. Of course the girl next door set him straight–and told him that his wife didn’t mean it. After all, women don’t need to communicate clearly what they need from their partners and in their relationships!

Ladies, this is the crap we have to stop doing. We cannot go around chanting “no means no” and then expecting the people around us to know when we really mean “yes.”

If you are an adult women in an adult-type relationship, stop playing games. Making your partner guess what you mean is a trip to disaster lane. You’re mature enough to be married? You’re mature enough to say what’s on your mind. Really, there are few things you can say that will scare off a partner.

I’m not saying men have carte blanche to do what they please. Don’t misunderstand me. In any sexual situation, no does mean no. And no man should attempt to read anything else into the statement. But women do have a responsibility also. By communicating clearly and concisely, your needs will be known and hopefully met.

As for the wife not requiring special anniversary plans, I completely understand. Being the most unromantic female in America, I require nothing special on an anniversary. At this point, I’m just in awe as the years pass by, proud of Jim and I for amassing quite a few. I don’t want candy or flowers. A trip or some jewelry, maybe. I mean, I got a Dremel for my birthday/Mother’s Day and was pleased!

I am concerned that a column in a men’s magazine written by a woman (hopefully that part is true!) goes about perpetuating stereotypes of manipulative women who need to be coy about their needs. What is wrong about not needing a special anniversary celebration? Is it not female enough? Not committed enough? Why couldn’t the advice simply have been: well, she said she needs nothing, so she needs nothing. The End.

It’s 2013 and the time for games are over. As women we are fighting for the futures of ourselves, our daughters, our granddaughters, and every female around us. As women’s rights are being chipped away and cowardly men feel the need to wrest some control over their spinning worlds, we need to stand strong and confident. Every time you act coy and let your man guess what you want, another ultrasound wand is stuck up another vagina to prevent an abortion. Because women don’t really know what they want and the men need to make sure we know what we’re doing!

Stop playing games and learn to speak up. If you don’t know how or you need some encouragement, let me know. I’m here to help you!

One thought on “We Cannot Chant “No Means No Except When It Means Yes”

  1. After 33 years of marriage I look back & remember the most we have done for our anniversary is a home cooked meal by Mark……and only a handful of those! We do not make a big deal out of our anniversary….we just cherish the years & give thanks for so many. What else is needed??

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