Image: Michal Marcol / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
At the gym we were talking about our kids. The conversation turned to one of us having to do something that made us uncomfortable. Because we knew it was really going to affect our kids.
A young mother said she thinks we are uncomfortable when we are doing the most important parenting. And a light bulb lit up bright in my mind. Because she got it so right!
Parenting is uncomfortable when you have to tell your kid that he can’t do things the other kids are doing because you believe they are dangerous. Your kid follows along on foot or skateboard, while his friends whip through the suburban streets at top speed on their bikes, completely oblivious to the cars on the road. You know this because you’ve almost hit them yourself when they darted in front of you.
It’s uncomfortable when you let your kid suffer the consequences of an ignored assignment. Just because your high school student announces at 7pm that he needs to make an old-looking journal for his English project due the next morning doesn’t mean you need to whip up a batch of tea, start dying paper and stitching it together. You make suggestions and walk away. It’s hard because you could have done it. Except he knew about the assignment for a month and did nothing about it.
It’s uncomfortable when you have to be the grown up, be the voice of reason, be the example. It’s uncomfortable when you realize that you are responsible for the physical, mental, and moral health of this living, breathing human being. Parenting is a big job. It’s not supposed to be fun and easy.
Remember that when you’re tempted to say yes because it’s easier than saying no. Remember that the next time you’re tempted to step in and fix something so your kid doesn’t fail.
4 Responses to “When Parenting Gets Uncomfortable”
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So true! Especially for me when it comes to the kid’s homework. It can be hard to pull back and say, okay, face the consequences on not getting X done. Or not stepping in to help them when clearly they have not put forth any effort to get something done. Frustrating but ultimately we are doing our kids a disservice when we “rescue” them on things like that. The other stuff, dangerous or risky activities, well, that is part of responsible parenting and sometimes necessary when kids can’t make the best choices themselves (i.e. wearing the bike helmet!)
Homework is a hard subject. Especially when many of your kid’s classmates have parents who will do all the work for them or are prepared to protest every bad grade.
oh my I can so relate. We just got back from vacation where my daughter wanted to jump off this too high waterfall. She begged, pleaded, got angry but knew the right answer was no. Balance that with having to talk to her about wearing a bike helmet at her dad’s even though he doesn’t make her is enough to drive you crazy…but it is the right kind of parenting.
I can’t even begin to imagine how hard it has to be a co-parent when you’re divorced! It’s so easy to say, “go without your helmet” than to suffer through another argument with your kid. But arguing is what we do best as parents! We always win! lol