50 Shades of Grey: I Cannot Keep Quiet Any More!

fifty shadesI cannot hold my tongue any longer. I’m going to wade into the mayhem that has been caused by the mess of a book Fifty Shades of Grey. But let’s be clear: I have not read it. Why? I have several reasons:

  • Life is to short to read bad books and I heard this sucked.
  • I prefer my erotica in short story form, not in a 3-volume monstrosity.
  • I am scratch-your-eyes-out jealous that EL James made a fortune on this dreck of Twilight fan fiction.

I began by enjoying the distress the movie was stirring up. The endless trailers on television were becoming mind-numbing. The cool version of Beyonce’s Crazy in Love began to grate. The sex toys sold in Target on the main aisle were slightly alarming to my suburban mom senses; cock rings and blind folds, anyone? They’re right here near the clementines and the razors! I didn’t quite get the grey nail polish in the OPI collection. Grey nails, really?

When people from the BDSM community started speaking out about the inaccuracies in the book about their lifestyle, I perked up a bit. What I know about them I know from lurking on the sidelines. Way on the sidelines. I’m the short girl at the back of the crowd, trying to see over the sea of people, watching what’s happening in the BDSM community. When they were issuing warnings and setting people straight, I listened. I thought they had a good message.

When Kirk Cameron shared a Christian woman’s warning against the movie as being against God and husbands. I mocked. I mocked loudly and boisterously. Bwahahahaha. It’s a movie people!

But when the other warnings started coming out, I began feeling uneasy. Abuse. Control. Abusive relationships. Not healthy. Unrealistic. Can’t save him. Can’t change him.

Then it suddenly hit me. No one trusts the young women of today enough to make their own damn decisions about their own damn lives! Every group is up in arms about young women seeing this movie, falling under the spell of Ana and Christian, walking out of the theater into the arms of the first man they see, and allowing themselves to be abused for the rest of their lives!

What the ever loving fuck?!

It’s a movie people. And except for the BDSM community and the Christian women, the rest of you really have no valid voice in this argument. Because young women today are quite mature enough to make the distinction between a healthy and unhealthy relationship.

I’m using myself as proof of this. In the eight grade I read the novel Scruples. (I also highlighted every sex scene for the entire class and shared it.) It was also a television mini-series. It was filled with sex of every imaginable kind. I have never been in a physically abusive relationship. I learned what glory holes were, and that married people cheated on their spouses. Guess what, I also learned that married people cheated on their spouses in real life–still haven’t done it ever in my marriage(s).

I also read Rosemary Rogers and Sidney Sheldon. Lots of hot fudge sunday sex in these authors’ works. (I figure if vanilla sex is boring than the opposite is hot fudge sunday sex.) Still not reenacting those sex scenes either. Women were regularly degraded and physically and emotionally abused. Again, not happening here. Because I know the difference between fact and fiction.

I also have never seen a pirate ship, even though one appears in Goonies, my favorite movie. I’ve never been swept off my feet by a rock star as a hundred women have in books I’ve read. I’ve never seen a zombie, although I watch people fight them off every Sunday night.

I wonder why article after article has come out, begging people to not go see the movie Fifty Shades of Grey? What is it about this movie that has people convinced it will be the end of womanhood? Do these authors truly believe young women will see the movie and throw away everything they know about healthy relationships? If it only takes a vapid movie based on a vapid book to completely ruin someone’s life, they weren’t too firmly entrenched in reality to begin with.

Or does it go deeper than that? Is there so little confidence in this generation of women that they truly need to be saved? If you think that, then you need to take a step back and consider who died and put you in charge. Because no one made you the world’s mother. Young women today are perfectly capable of taking care of themselves, making decisions, and sorting out their lives on their own.

And if that means they sacrifice the $10 to go see drivel such as Fifty Shades, than so be it. I’m going to make fun of them for doing it. But I’m not going to coddle and host an intervention to save their psyches from the upcoming bad relationship you believe they are destined to be in. I know they can handle anything that comes their way. And you should too.


One thought on “50 Shades of Grey: I Cannot Keep Quiet Any More!

  1. I’m in the middle of writing a post because I too couldn’t keep my mouth shut anymore. I did the read book and truthfully I didn’t see sexual abuse. Abuse is when it’s NOT wanted, you don’t have a safe word. I agree with you 100% about our young people. When I was a teen we had everyone screaming that if we listened to Ozzy we would kill ourselves…. we didn’t. Well said!!!!

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